


It's the little things that mean the most

by Owari26



Category: Bleach
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Eventual Romance, Fun, M/M, tinyjow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 09:22:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17916125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owari26/pseuds/Owari26
Summary: I'm going to keep this short and simple :TINYJOW!(Update September 2019: I haven't abandoned this, I'm working on more)





	It's the little things that mean the most

**Author's Note:**

> This is my attempt at being funny, have some bad humor and silly references.  
> I got the Tinyjow idea from ficticiousdelicious (yeah you're responsible for this mess!)

Just another quiet morning in the Kurosaki household, until a sharp ringing noise cut through the silence. 

Isshin rushed down the stairs in all his hairy naked glory, wearing nothing more than a pair of frilly pink socks. It was a brave attempt to let the other guests of the house have some more sleep if he hadn’t stumbled halfway over a lost slipper and fell the rest of the way down screaming bloody murder.

The screaming woke everyone else in the house and the surrounding neighborhood. Ichigo sighed and stepped nonchalantly over the heap at the bottom of the stairs and picked up the phone. 

“Ichigoooo- are you going to abandon your father, all alone and hurt.” Isshin wailed in a dramatic display of his signature stupidity. 

“Shut up dad, I’m trying to answer the idiot who woke us at 6 AM on a Saturday so I know who I need to go kill violently.”

“Yeah that’s my boy!” Isshin cried out. “Masaki, we have raised such a good boy, he’s defending the family’s sleep schedule like a true knight.”

“Shut up!” Ichigo mouthed while holding the phone to his ear.

“Urahara!” Ichigo gritted between his teeth, “you better have a damn good reason to wake us all up at this ungodly early hour. 

_-Aah_ _Ichigo_ _-san, I need you to pick something up, right now!_

“Damn it, Urahara, do you need to call so early for something that stupid, you want me to pick something up? This can wait till later.” Ichigo sighed, rubbing his temples, he didn’t have enough sleep to deal with the crazy shopkeeper.

 _-_ _Ichigo_ _, I need you to come now!_  Urahara tried to be cheerful, but the stress was evident in his voice. 

 _I expect you in 10 minutes, I can’t promise what happens if you don’t_. -click-

“He hung up on me??? Stupid hat and clogs....” Ichigo mumbled

“What’s all the noise about?” Karin complained, she stood in her sleeping shorts on the crumpled remains of Isshin, planting her foot on his back like she was a gladiator celebrating the victory over her slain enemy.

“Iiieeeuw dad! Please shave your back once in a while, it’s like standing on a gorilla.” 

“We can wax him! Yuzu piped up. She stood at the top of the stairs, rubbing the sleep out of her tired eyes. “I have a new lavender scented wax I want to try out.”

A screech cut through the air, it was something inhuman and far too loud for a Saturday morning. 

“All Kurosaki men are hairy! You shall not wax meeeee! Isshin screamed undignified while running for the safety of his bedroom. 

Ichigo sighed. “Fine, I’ll go to Urahara, you girls can go back to sleep, but leave the gorilla alone.” 

“Aaah- Ichi-nii, I want to wax dad.” Yuzu pulled the sweetest puppy eyes ever, but years of brotherly practice had made him immune to that. 

“You know those won’t work on me.” Ichigo smiled triumphantly, “I’ve mastered the art of resisting those.”  

“Remember that jello incident last year?” Yuzu said while tapping her foot, waiting for the inevitable reaction. 

“Okay! I’ll help you wax dad when I get back! Just don’t ever mention that again.” Ichigo turned around so he could go to his bedroom and get into his Shinigami body. A sliver of fear reflected in his eyes, he really didn’t want anyone to hear about that jello incident, it had been horrible enough to have Yuzu as a witness. Ichigo was never going to life this down, she was going to use this as blackmail material for the rest of his life, and since he was a Shinigami, probably also for the rest of his very long afterlife. 

“Thank you Ichi-nii.” Yuzu smiled triumphantly, “you’re the best!” 

Sweet little Yuzu, Ichigo thought while heading for his bedroom, the face of an innocent angel, but the heart of a merciless demon, she was going to break a lot of hearts and spirits in the future. He was actually pretty damn proud of her although a part of him wondered where she learned this kind of stuff. Probably Urahara, he thought, all bad things eventually lead back to Urahara.

Ichigo opened the door to his room, only to find Kon still asleep on his pillow, no surprise actually, Grimmjow cero’d half his bedroom in a blazing sea of red light the last time he wanted to fight Ichigo, and Kon still hadn’t woke up. 

Ichigo scratched his head, contemplating the situation for a moment before he reached for Kon. 

“Fuck this, I don’t have time to be gentle.” What followed wasn’t pretty. He tried to reach for Kon’s soul pill, fingers already halfway Kon’s throat, until he woke up screaming like a dying rabbit. Ichigo finally managed to smack the pill out and pop it in, turning on his heels to get out as fast as possible. He would have succeeded if it wasn’t for his own long fingers grasping firmly in his hakama. Kon yanked Ichigo down like he was an unruly child trying to run away from his parents. 

“Fuck you Ichigo!” Kon wailed. “I deserve to be treated with more respect, you can’t molest me whenever you feel like it.” 

“I don’t have time for this, I need to go to Urahara.” Ichigo scowled, holding Kon in a headlock. 

“No, I don’t care if Kisuke is choking on Yoruichi’s hairy pussy or is drowning in his endless stash of sake, you could’ve asked me nicely.” Kon screeched, his fingers digging sharply into Ichigo’s ribs. 

“Fine, I’ll ask you next time, but I need to go now.” Ichigo said resolutely. 

Five minutes and a dirty fight with his own body later, and Ichigo was in his Shinigami form. He flash-stepped out of his window and jumped from roof to roof with the grace of a dancer, limbs constantly moving and flowing. The sun started to rise on the horizon, slowly letting its golden-red beams pour over the landscape. It was breathtakingly beautiful, Ichigo thought while gazing at the sunrise, but still too early to be awake.

Within seconds, Ichigo reached the shady shop. After all those years, everything still looked the same. Weathered brown sliding doors, the once white sign centered above the doors, even the van was still present. Ichigo had never seen anybody drive in that thing, he even took it for a joyride with Shinji once and nobody had missed it. This place was drenched in nostalgia, so many things happened here, good ones, but also bad ones. Ichigo took a moment to soak it all up, his hand wandered over the door before he slid it open and stepped inside. 

Something sweet invaded his nose, like someone is making cake and cookies, the burning smell of sugary things being made. No matter how many times he’s been here, that smell was always there, it had something nostalgic about it. He never figured out what it actually was, Urahara didn’t make cookies, it was probably something artificial to hide the sweaty scientist smell he thought. 

“Ah Ichigo-san, you’re finally here. Urahara sighed, he’s in the training room, follow me.”

“He?” Ichigo raised his eyebrows, he couldn’t think of anyone who needed to be picked up, Renji would just crash into his room, hell, all of soul society crashed into his room like it was some kind of cheap walk-in brothel. 

“Did Yoruichi attack you, or do you have an actual pet cat now?” Ichigo gestured at Urahara’s face. 

He was covered in angry red scratch marks, looking like some murder cat from hell attacked him in a fit of blinding rage. Ichigo noticed the bleary- eyes and the slightly longer stubbled beard, something kept Urahara awake in the dead of night, and he had a feeling it wasn’t Yoruichi’s purring this time. 

“Just go to the training room and help me get rid of this thing.” Urahara said, his voice strained and desperate. “If you don’t take it, I’ll have to snap it’s little neck or maybe drown it.  It’s been two days, I can’t deal with it any longer.”

Ichigo was horrified, he knew Urahara could be a mean bastard, but to kill an innocent animal, that was a bit harsh. 

“You’re joking right? Are you going to kill an innocent animal?” Ichigo gestured, his arms flailing wildly. 

“We can’t have pets thanks to Isshin’s inability to be gentle with cute fluffy things, but I’ll take care of it until we found a home, no killing!” The look he shot Urahara was murderous and very clear; touch one hair on that innocent furry body and you’ll die excruciatingly slow. 

Urahara’s snapped out of his walking zombie state like some switch had been flipped. 

“Ah-Ichigo, I knew you would help out your desperate favorite uncle.” Urahara smiled syrupy sweet. The hand that gripped his shoulder and guided him to the training room was firm and left no room for second thoughts.

“You’re not my uncle and I’m not helping you.” Ichigo said sternly, it would have been an impressive display of authority if it wasn’t for Urahara practically manhandling Ichigo and steering him across the room like he was playing with some kind of life-sized Ken-doll.

“There it is, take it!” Urahara pointed at a pair of black leather boots covered in what seemed like old rags. “I’m not even touching that thing with a 10-foot pole.” Urahara said darkly. 

“Why are you hiding behind my back? Wait-you're using me as a shield?” Ichigo asked incredulously. 

“This is unbelievable.” Ichigo muttered as he approached the heap of black rags. Upon closer inspection, it was actually shredded clothes. What the hell happened here and what kind of tiny animal could possibly do so much damage, he wondered. 

Inch by inch, Ichigo crept closer, there was nothing left of his former fearless attitude. As he approached the mysterious heap, he could feel the sweat breaking out, what was so dangerous that it made Urahara tremble in fear? One of the most feared Shinigami stood there looking like he saw the devil himself. 

Ooh well, curiosity killed the cat, Ichigo thought as he stepped bravely forward to take a peek in one of those leather boots. 

“Oh hell-no!” Ichigo staggered back, toppling over his own feet, he landed painfully on his ass in the harsh sand of the training room.

“What the fuck is that unholy abomination?” Ichigo screamed. “It’s the evil seed of chucky all over again! That thing looks downright murderous! Ichigo pointed his trembling finger at Urahara. “And you! -Why do you have the vile offspring of Grimmjow hiding in your basement? Did you kidnap it from Hueco Mundo?” Ichigo asked mortified. How does that even work, he wondered, did that mean Grimmjow had a kid and a partner? Oh, sweet baby Jesus, please don’t let it be Nel, innocent and pure Nel. The thought of sweet Nel having sex with a savage wild thing like Grimmjow made his stomach tense in protest. Wait, did hollow reproduction even work that way or was it some kind of reishi splitting?

Urahara simply shook his head, “Look closer Ichigo, it’s not his child, it’s Grimmjow.”

Ichigo just stared at Urahara like a gaping fish, mouth agape and braindead. 

Urahara continued his explanation without regard to the shell-shocked Shinigami.

“Grimmjow landed his big fat ass into one of my Kidõ traps and this is the unfortunate result.” Urahara said, rolling his shoulders, his eyes looked warily from under his green and white striped hat.

Ichigo noticed the boot shaking fervently after that statement. He blinked his eyes, trying to get rid of the blur still clogging his brain. He got to his feet and slowly dragged himself towards the boot again. Okay, I can do this, he thought, my fearsome enemy is now a tiny goblin and that’s not weird at all. 

Ichigo crouched before the boots, taking shallow breaths and careful not to make a sound. After a minute of silently contemplating the situation, his curiosity peaked and he peered over the hard edge of the boot. 

A tiny red laser pointer beam shot out of the boot and hit Ichigo on the bridge of his nose. 

“What the hell.” Ichigo pinched his nose, a flicker of anger flashing into his eyes, “Did the murder-midget just cero me?” Ichigo said more as a statement than a real question.

It didn’t even really hurt, it felt more like he was being hit with fizzing candy, but it was still an insult to his pride. 

“Nobody hits Kurosaki Ichigo with a Cero and gets away with it.” Ichigo screamed while grabbing the leather boot firmly with his right hand. His other hand reached into the boot like it was a claw-machine reaching for a plushie.

A giant hand reached into Grimmjow’s boot, the former espada wasn’t easily scared but that thing looked like it was going to squeeze all the life out of his tiny body until there wasn’t a single drop of blood left. So, he did the only logical thing he could think off, in his defense, anyone would do the same in that kind of ridiculous situation. Grimmjow bit down hard, tiny razor-sharp teeth sliced easily through tanned and calloused skin.  

“Ouch, the fucker bit me!” Ichigo shrieked, he yanked his hand back out and what followed was something that resembled a bad action scene out of an old cartoon show.

Ichigo jumped up and down like a wild caveman. “Ouch-let “shake hand”-go of me! You dirty bastard!” 

“Why are you naked?” Ichigo screeched undignified, his hand still violently shaking as he tried to get rid of Grimmjow. “That better be Pantera that’s stabbing me, you pervert!” Ichigo finally managed to pinch grab Grimmjow by the scruff of his neck and hold him like an unruly kitten.

“Stop kicking and biting, you little shit!” Ichigo had enough of this whole situation, it was ridiculous and his head already ached from all of this. “Or I can just leave you here with Urahara to be his guinea pig, he will put you in a little hamster cage with a spinning wheel.” Ichigo grinned deviously, he kinda liked that idea, the great sexta espada now trapped like a little frightened animal.

A shiver ran up his spine and Grimmjow seemed to deflate, he really didn’t want to be left with that crazy shopkeeper. Who knows what he would do, probably strap him to a cold metal table and stick all sorts of needles and stuff into him. He was the cause of this mess in the first place.

“No-wait, don’t leave me here.” Grimmjow screamed in a high-pitched voice.

Ichigo completely lost it after hearing that, Grimmjow sounded like a squeaky toy, one of those cheap yellow plastic chicken things where dogs chewed on.

“Bwahaha- you sound ridiculous.” Ichigo snorted while trying to hold himself somewhat together.

Grimmjow had to restrain himself, he wanted to kick that sorry excuse of a Shinigami right in the face, but that would probably lead to him being left behind in Kisuke’s little shop of horrors. 

“Stop trying to look intimidating, you look like a goddamn Pokémon Grimm, it’s not working.” Ichigo grinned, this was going to be interesting he thought while shoving the struggling Arrancar into the folds of his shihakusho.

Ichigo turned swiftly to face Urahara, “And you better fix this shit! Call me when you have a solution”, he said sternly. 

Ichigo walked away without looking back, this was probably going to come back to bite him- _hard,_ or end in a complete nightmare, like any other thing involving Urahara. And that’s how he ended up with his former enemy kicking in protest in his pocket while he flash-stepped back to his room. 

Let's go home-Tinyjow, he chuckled.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, this will be a multi chapter fic ;-)


End file.
